PUBLISHED! TUSSILA’S BOOK I is now out at Smashwords!

FRONT PAGE, 1.4 MB

I can’t explain how great this is to me. After nearly fifteen years or even more precisely after nearly fifty years of struggling, I am finally publishing my book. I now know that I never again can be as poorly as I was up until the point when I was admitted to the hospital.

In the aftermath, I know that the day I needed to realize that I was not fit for work, whatsoever, was the worse day in my life. From that day, it all slowly fell apart around me, as well as inside of me.

Because of this, it feels even more fantastic to finally be able to contribute with something, to be part of the society, and through this, to be a fellow human being.

WARNING

Dear fellow survivor, I must advise you not to read this book unless it is under close supervision by your therapist. When I myself was at my worse, I was not capable to read any book at all and definitely not a book like this. Actually, my only need for a very long period would be to sit on a sturdy and reassuring granny’s lap. In addition, I must admit that still today, I’m reluctant to learn about other patients’ stories. I’m afraid I’ll get even more confused because I still have some large gaps in my memory. Please also bear in mind this book contains paintings, which also can activate unexpected and unwanted stress reactions. If you choose to open this book, please promise me that you’ll close it and put it away if you feel the slightest distress viewing my paintings or reading my text. I do not want to cause you any more pain!

PLEASE NOTE: 

I am not a doctor, therapist, or a member of healthcare.  This is my own story and as the reader, you choose to read this and to make your own opinion about whether this might help you.

TUSSILA’S BOOK I is available for free at Smashwords until January 10, 2016. Please klick the link below, and get your free copy!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/602244

What now, Tussila? Now that it is done, and the book finally is published? You want to paint, you say. Yes, we will paint; we will prepare for you to make collages, for real collages and not only digital, perhaps. It can be difficult to work online for a while; I know that. It is maybe better to set up a worktable for your new acrylic paint, your tissues, wallpapers, and found objects. This book project, it is a bit too exciting, don’t you think? It is all right to step back for a while now, at least over the Christmas Holidays. We’ll just log out of this computer as soon as this final post is published, as we planned for. Tomorrow, we’ll pack up the car, with the puppy and a nice mixture of toys and nice outfits. Of course, we’ll bring outdoor clothing as well, before we hurry to Morgan for the Holidays. It will be interesting to see how soon we dare to start the computer again…

 

Until then, dear friends and followers, I wish you the best Christmas possible!!!

Big hug from Tussila (and me)… ;-)

FOR WHOM IS TUSSILA’S BOOK SUITED?

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During my many years as a psychiatric patient, I have experienced, repeatedly, some substantial challenges.
It has been just about impossible to express the whole picture to any therapist. One of the obvious reasons is that I was convinced I had to cover all my symptoms up in order to survive. A second reason is that it would be impossible, due to the time limits in the therapy sessions. A third reason is that many people, including some of the health care workers, have a tendency to jump to conclusions, meaning that if I started with a carefully chosen sentence, meaning to reveal something important, I could risk immediately being met with generalizations or even worse, with belittling.
I do however understand that it is somewhat of a challenge, to uncover the whole picture, when the patient is verbally strong and seems to be in good control of herself.
This fact contributes to another major issue, the diagnostic system. I, for instance, have had a whole range of different diagnoses before I finally ended up with the correct one. In addition, of course, all the different opinions from different experts make it even more problematic to get the right sort of help. The result is that normally the process of getting properly diagnosed takes years, and unfortunately even decades, to obtain.
The last years though, there have been huge developments in the understanding of complex posttraumatic stress disorder.
I hope my book can contribute to even more openness and that it can help to shed more light to the often obscure and complex aftereffects of childhood traumas.
This book is therefore probably most suited for mental health care staff and for support persons and volunteers, especially interested in these topics. It might also be of interest for other professionals who are dealing with people in crisis, like medical staff and police officers.
Thank you so much for your time!

About the language in TUSSILA’S BOOK

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Firstly, let me inform you that English is not my native tongue. If you find my writing a bit puzzling and out of the ordinary, please bear with me.

You may ask why I’m taking the effort to translate all this text into a foreign language. It’s no wonder if you ask, and of course, that was not at all my original plan. The explaining is as follows:

I’m depending on disability benefits, which means I have a restricted economy. Therefore, I can’t make this text into an ordinary print book as planned without financial assistance. I have considered contacting the old fashion public houses in my home country to ask if they would be interested. After some research, however, I realize I’m not robust enough to cooperate with professional publishers. They would most certainly have many ideas of all aspects of my book and they would probably put me under pressure in many respects. Then this new idea emerged in my head; what if I first publish an e-book? Maybe I could sell enough e-book copies to finance a printed version later on.

Some further research led me to the conclusion that my own small country’s market for e-books is not yet very active. Besides, I am afraid somebody will recognize me, if I would publish the book in my own country.

These facts made it easier to reach a conclusion. My book project has become so important to me that I really need to see it through. First I will publish my story as an e-book, in English, and due to my previous mentioned financial issues, I’ll have to translate it myself. Then, maybe later I can manage to publish a paper copy as well, which was my original goal.

Thank you so much for your time!

 

ABOUT TUSSILA SPRING

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Actually, my real name is not Tussila. Tussila is my alter ego; she is my inner traumatized child. I’m yet not ready to go public with my real name because I’m afraid to be recognized. Besides, while working with this book project, it feels much more comfortable to pretend that we are two individuals rather than one, which is the fact.
Therefore, if you wonder, I am not schizophrenic. However, I do have diagnoses that equal schizophrenia or psychoses in severity. I am diagnosed with PTSD and dissociative disorder, also called complex PTSD. I suffer from trauma inflected upon me mainly during my childhood. I am a survivor of incest, bullying, and negligence.
To me, it is crucial to emphasize the fact that I have survived. In addition, not only have I survived, in spite of my diagnoses, I am today living a rich and fulfilling life too.

Thank you so much for your time!

COMPLEX PTSD/DISSOCIATING DISORDER’s weekly

Hello followers, and greetings for the day

I have tried to gather some information and stuff about the subject, into a weekly newspaper. If you are interested in learning more about this subject, please feel welcome to check out this link: https://paper.li/tussilasbook/1436909845