Do you want to know more about living with complex PTSD/DISSOCIATION DISORDER? “TUSSILA’S B00K I” is out!


“Tussila’s Book I” is now enrolled in


2017 July Summer/Winter Sale!

July 1 – 31, 2017

It took me nearly fifteen years to accomplish this dream, but now finally my diary from psychiatric emergency care is published! I very much hope that this book can help to better understand various aftereffects due to childhood traumas!

So far, the responses I have received have been overwhelmingly positive. Many people have already thanked me for sharing my story.

I hope you too will take this opportunity and I am very excited to hear your opinion on my book, please feel free to comment when you have read it!

Hurry to tap  one the of the direct links below to download “TUSSILA’S BOOK I” for free:

Smashwords   Apple   Kobo   Barnes&Noble

Inktera (formerly Page Foundry)   Overdrive



  “The emotions are so strong in this book that the first time I read it I was crying along with her, laughing with her, angry with her. The strength to go on is inspirational itself.
If you have ever wanted to know what it is like to live with PTSD this is the perfect book.
The paintings are straightforward and inspirational as well.
Health care professionals should definitely read this. I cannot imagine the pain she must have gone through to come out strong enough to share her story. It must have taken an immeasurable amount of courage to post her personal diary.
Everyone has a different story, Tussila has chosen to share her story with the world. Her desperation, and the road to recovery.
“I have no illness; I have an injury. Who would call a traffic accident victim sick, or ill?”
Amazing book. Worth every tear just to have clarity again.”
Review written by Megan Starkweather at:

 Please share with your friends and colleges!

Thank you so much, warmest regards from Tussila Spring =)


Tussilago variations IV-002
During my many years as a psychiatric patient, I have experienced, repeatedly, some substantial challenges.
It has been just about impossible to express the whole picture to any therapist. One of the obvious reasons is that I was convinced I had to cover all my symptoms up in order to survive. A second reason is that it would be impossible, due to the time limits in the therapy sessions. A third reason is that many people, including some of the health care workers, have a tendency to jump to conclusions, meaning that if I started with a carefully chosen sentence, meaning to reveal something important, I could risk immediately being met with generalizations or even worse, with belittling.
I do however understand that it is somewhat of a challenge, to uncover the whole picture, when the patient is verbally strong and seems to be in good control of herself.
This fact contributes to another major issue, the diagnostic system. I, for instance, have had a whole range of different diagnoses before I finally ended up with the correct one. In addition, of course, all the different opinions from different experts make it even more problematic to get the right sort of help. The result is that normally the process of getting properly diagnosed takes years, and unfortunately even decades, to obtain.
The last years though, there have been huge developments in the understanding of complex posttraumatic stress disorder.
I hope my book can contribute to even more openness and that it can help to shed more light to the often obscure and complex aftereffects of childhood traumas.
This book is therefore probably most suited for mental health care staff and for support persons and volunteers, especially interested in these topics. It might also be of interest for other professionals who are dealing with people in crisis, like medical staff and police officers.
Thank you so much for your time!


Hello followers, and greetings for the day

I have tried to gather some information and stuff about the subject, into a weekly newspaper. If you are interested in learning more about this subject, please feel welcome to check out this link:

Tussila, Tussila, what have we done? Should we close our eyes or should we run?

What happened a few days ago was following incident:

We were denied to post to one of the established psychology communities, they even put black lines over our headlines, before we had the chance to remove it, commenting their action with: quote “this is not the community to share personal medical/psychological history”.

Yes, I got upset. Yes, Tussila got upset too. We removed the postings and gave the new situation a thought.

After a while, we actually found it amusing. For the first time, after being present online for two months, our posts were unwanted, and where did it happen; in a psychology community. And why; because they wasn’t interested in personal experiences. I must have got it all wrong, I always have believed that psychology tends to be somewhat personal…

Well, after licking the wounds for a while, we returned at the arena. And this is what we have done: We have created a community on our own!


If you wish to see what we came up with in there, please do visit us at:

If you fits criteria and wants to join us, you are most welcome to, also if you are a therapist, social worker or support-person, as long as you join personally!

Thank you very much for reading!

Now Tussila, lets close our eyes and run!

Yes, I have a severe mental diagnosis, but is that all that I have?

My psycho-motor therapist made me a drawing some years ago.

I was, as usual, very upset because I still wasn’t able to work and still wasn’t able to take part in the social life. The drawing she made was simple: She drew a circle, which she divided in two. She then told me that even if I fail in participating in one of the half”, we might call it the social half’, she wanted to remind me that I usually did not fail in the other half’, the creative one.

Listen Tussila, she then said, you need to try spending as much time as you can in the latter, don’t you!

Yes, she was right, that’s where I need to spend most of my time, and these days, that is exactly what I do!

Wrong feelings?

Empty poppy seed capsules

I claim to have gained some experience, during about thirty (yes, you got it right, thirty) years of therapy. I will now and then try to share some of it with you, that is, if you want me to.

If you don’t, that is perfectly fine too!

These lines are about what is right, and what is wrong to be feeling, in a given situation. 


I mean, I have learned that no feelings are wrong, however awkward and inappropriate they might seem.

Conclusion: Wrong feelings do not exist! Ever! 

The child is never to blame

Entering the playroom

Illustration from Tussila's Book

Many, many years ago, maybe almost a lifetime ago, something important occurred in my mind. Now, I would like to share this experience with you.

I was in a dark place. I can’t remember what this particular darkness was about, it was just one of those numberless dark periods of me realizing that I don’t fit in nowhere.

I guess we all are in such places from time to time, some of us rarely, some of us almost always.

The feeling might be familiar to you, the desperation when trying, the overwhelming sadness when failing, the envy of those who seemingly so easily succeeds. Succeeds in taking part of the society, in making friends, in establishing families, in being happy.

Myself at that time, I wanted to smash into pieces the television screen, because the female program host was so pretty and looked so self assure. Though I didn’t do it; after all, the TV was the only distraction tool I owned, and I had no money to by a new one. Besides, I was far too afraid to unleash my rage.

What happens, when frustrations and disappointments loads up over years, when there seems to be nobody particular to blame, when it all boils down to; It’s my fault, I’m useless, I’m worth nothing, I will always be a failure.
I was in this state for a long period. I was choking in my bitterness. I was crawling in my misery, thinking I’d just as well drown myself in it. My self-hatred knew no limits.

Then it happened; I suddenly got aware of a little girl standing in a corner. Her eyes were wide open in fear. She hardly was breathing. It seemed that she tried to hide inside the wall, the way she pushed her tiny back against it. I could feel that she feared for her life. I could feel that I was the one that terrified her. And suddenly; I realized that she also was a part of me.

Then, after some serious thinking, I turned to myself with the following words:

Yes, you are angry. Yes you are boiling over in frustration, and that I understand. However, you are not alone in there. Inside of you there is also a little girl. This little girl just wants to be a little girl. She wants to feel safe and appreciated. Right now, the little girl really wish to paint and draw on a sheet of paper, and you will allow her to. You will organize for her a work station at the table, you will get bowls of water and sheets of paper and paint and brushes for her. Then you will gently lift her up and place her on the chair, wiping the tears off her face, saying sorry, I’m so sorry I frightened you that badly. Now, you go on painting, I will make us cocoa and something to eat, and then I’ll join you at the table.

And so I did. Not at once though, I had to go some more rounds with my self first. At last I gave in, concluding:
To be in this state of self-destructive-ness does no good anyway. If I expect somebody to come help me out of it, knocking on my door offering me comfort and support, let’s face it: Nobody will. In fact, I am the only person who knows what I’m going through now, and I am the only person that can deal with it.
It is perfectly fine being this mad, I am allowed to be as mad as I want to, when ever I want to. However, this does not mean that it is fair to blame the little girl inside. She has nothing to do with it. This is adult affairs. And besides, who knows; maybe in the long run the little girl inside actually turns out being the one that leads you out of this misery, to a nicer place?