TUSSILA’S BOOK, CLOSE TO PUBLISHING, words of encouragement to the author


All right, Tussila. I can see you are struggling these days, and I don’t blame you. Really, I don’t.

You have been working so intensely with the book for such a long time. Can I just say that I am very proud of you, because your big project is getting so close to being accomplished? Very close. This project, which actually has kept you going through so many year, is about to reach its destination. This project, has kept you alive, by pouring will and determination into you, in periods when you nearly have given up life again.

Coming so close to realizing your big dream, marks in itself a point of overwhelmingly change in your life. I do understand that.

However, this isn’t the main challenge these days. I know that too. The greatest struggles are caused by the paintings. The text, you have gone through several times over the last year. You have crossed the lines of reluctance, of shame, of embarrassment many times during the process of translating, re-reading and correcting. You have gone through the text so many times that it doesn’t rip you open anymore. You have even had it red by strangers, by test-readers out in the big world. They have given you surprisingly warm and supporting responses so far. They have even praised you for your work and for your braveness for sharing your story.

No, it’s not the text, Tussila. It’s the paintings. You have just been doing some research, and you have found that the original 97 paintings must be reduced to 35 for part one of Tussila’s Book. If not, it will be very complicated and expensive to publish the planned e-book edition.

Further, you have recently opened the image files, and you have started to prepare all the paintings to fit into the document. The paintings from chapter one aren’t so bad to go over, plus you have seen them many times during the work with chapter one. It’s the paintings from chapter two and three, which really tears you apart, isn’t it? The paintings you made when you had lost all your fences. When you were about to die, and in a last attempt to survive showed yourself naked, stripped for all dignity and self-respect, lying open like a stanching wound with nothing left to cover yourself with.

These are the paintings you are working with now. You haven’t seen them for years. No wonder, this is tough Tussila. You are allowed to hesitate, to resent for a while. You are allowed to be sad, even depressed for a while. Don’t you worry, you might get used to the paintings too, as you did with the text.

Also, let’s make a deal Tussila. I know it is very hard, not to say impossible, to choose only one third from this large pile of paintings, they were almost equally important when you painted them. Remember Tussila, in the first place, we planned to make a print version. The e-book is only an attempt to finance the print version. So, all your paintings will be published in the print version. Until then, they will be kept safe in you drawers and on the computer.

If we think about it, maybe it is enough to publish 35 paintings as a start? Maybe it’s more than enough for now. All right, Tussila? Let’s go then!

First, a cup of coffee. Well done Tussila, (and myself too for that matter…)

Tussila, Tussila, what have we done? Should we close our eyes or should we run?

What happened a few days ago was following incident:

We were denied to post to one of the established psychology communities, they even put black lines over our headlines, before we had the chance to remove it, commenting their action with: quote “this is not the community to share personal medical/psychological history”.

Yes, I got upset. Yes, Tussila got upset too. We removed the postings and gave the new situation a thought.

After a while, we actually found it amusing. For the first time, after being present online for two months, our posts were unwanted, and where did it happen; in a psychology community. And why; because they wasn’t interested in personal experiences. I must have got it all wrong, I always have believed that psychology tends to be somewhat personal…

Well, after licking the wounds for a while, we returned at the arena. And this is what we have done: We have created a community on our own!


If you wish to see what we came up with in there, please do visit us at:


If you fits criteria and wants to join us, you are most welcome to, also if you are a therapist, social worker or support-person, as long as you join personally!

Thank you very much for reading!

Now Tussila, lets close our eyes and run!

Yes, I have a severe mental diagnosis, but is that all that I have?

My psycho-motor therapist made me a drawing some years ago.

I was, as usual, very upset because I still wasn’t able to work and still wasn’t able to take part in the social life. The drawing she made was simple: She drew a circle, which she divided in two. She then told me that even if I fail in participating in one of the half”, we might call it the social half’, she wanted to remind me that I usually did not fail in the other half’, the creative one.

Listen Tussila, she then said, you need to try spending as much time as you can in the latter, don’t you!

Yes, she was right, that’s where I need to spend most of my time, and these days, that is exactly what I do!

Allowing the brain to calm down

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In my mind, everything we do to make our minds occupied with other themes than our traumas, is us being creative.

I don’t believe that it alone will take away our past, or heal us in a hurry.


I do believe though, that every time we engage our brain with solvable tasks, we will also allow the brain to have a much-needed break from the traumas. The tasks don’t have to be complicated.

It can for instance be:

How to draw a line, how to knit a mask, how to put notes on a paper, how to take a photo shot, how to carve a pattern into woods, how to make metal work, ceramics, write a sentence or what ever else we choose to do.  In my experience, it is particularly engaging, when the effort results in a piece of visible, touchable or listenable work.

Anything that will not disappear when I go to sleep at night.

Thank you for reading!

Fear of tears?

I used to believe that if I did burst into tears, I would get lost forever. The pressure inside was so extremely high, it would be impossible to ever stop crying again.

I know better now. I know that if I burst into tears, meaning really howling, and shaking into pieces in tears.

After a while, say about half an hour or at least in less than one hours’ time, the crying will stop on its own. Afterwards, I have experienced to fall into total apathy, and  hysterical laughter attacks, (Tussila loves the latter by the way) and everything in between. 

In addition to being emotional creatures, we also are biological creatures.

Crying is hard work, also in biological terms.

We are capable to survive most conditions, also grieving and moaning.

There is no need to fear the tears; our bodies will take care of also such affairs!